and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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