the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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