Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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