That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
