She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
