Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
