Define "chronic" masturbator.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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