just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
