census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
