WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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