NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
