he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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