Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
