apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
