Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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