You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
