I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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