im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
