So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
