I could have mohawked her pubes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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