I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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