there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
