Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
