I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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