I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
