I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
