Nicole vs. Life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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