When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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