hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So squirting runs in the family.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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