I think my fart just growled at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
