is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
