How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk is not a location!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
