If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
