My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
