Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
