Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
