I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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