New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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