toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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