I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's the barista slut.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize