she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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