Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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