first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize