# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
