Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
