I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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