hotel room ftw
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
