Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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