now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
