I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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