so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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