I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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