One girl and one boy is just not enough.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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