apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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