Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
