I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
