this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
