I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
