Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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