forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
