It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
