Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
