I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
