Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
