even my farts smell like vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
