what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
