at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
