I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
