Welp...herpes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
