I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
